Thailand – Welcome!
If this is your first trip to the ‘...land of a 1000 smiles’ then you are in for an experience. Most of what I have written is based on my experiences while traveling through Thailand. I have only been to Chiang Mai, Bangkok and Phuket. Phuket is where I spend the majority of my time as I am a scuba diver, and Phuket has some of the best diving & snorkeling around.
As most of this is written with Phuket in mind, it can still be applied throughout the rest of Thailand.
I do not profess to be an expert, so take what you want from these words. If you plan on making Thailand a regular stop over then I would suggest purchasing some books on living Thai ways & visitors guides. The Lonely Planet books are very good, but if you want to get right into the way Thailand works I can recommend www.bangkokbooks.com for anything and everything you could want to know about Thailand.

If you ask yourself ".....why the hell would I want to go to Thailand, it sounds so negative!" after reading all this, it is quite the opposite. Listed below are a few things to be aware of. Like any country they all have their good points......and bad points. These are just a few hints to help make sure your experience is the best it can be :)

What's on this page? Click on each of these titles to jump straight there, and then your backspace key to return.
Pre Departure / Arriving / Respect / Accommodation / Food / Transport / Phones / Bars, Bar Girls, Bar Fines, Drinks / Massage / Security / Shops / Drugs / Tourist Stuff / Lady Boys / Scams / Tattoos

Pre Departure:
Prior to leaving I would hope that you have already pre-booked your accommodation, if only for the first few nights. From there you can investigate other avenues of accommodation (see section below on accommodation). Make a copy of all your documents – passport/atm & credit cards/tickets and anything else you think is important. Have with you the contact numbers to call if you lose your passport/atm/credit cards etc. Let people know where you are going and what you plan to do and when they can expect you to come back.

Arriving:
On arriving in Thailand you will be met with a land totally different to what you will be used to (generally). The people are very friendly and helpful where they can be. The money used in Thailand is the Baht (THB). At the time of writing the Baht is very favorable for the western traveler and there are many places to get money exchanged. www.xe.com is a very good web site for up-to-date currency converter.

Respect:
The Thai people are very proud and patriotic and the royal family are held in very high regard. You will see many posters/billboards/pictures of the King and the royal family. To disrespect the royal family is probably one of the biggest insults a visitor to the country can do. Thai people believe that the feet are lowest part of the body (unless you are extremely drunk chances are they will be) and as such should not be pointed towards anyone (when sitting) or used to touch another person. To touch a Thai persons head especially with your feet is a sign of great disrespect. If you are ever unsure....just ask.
Like all things, respect the locals and their culture, you are in their country and what is the norm in your homeland does not necessarily apply in Thailand!! You are bound by Thailand law, not the law of your country.
*There is a case where a tourist (after having a number of beers) decided to use the bushes as a toilet, unbeknown to him was a huge poster of the king next to him......long story short....he spent a few nights in the monkey house (jail) before getting fined a huge amount of money!

Accommodation:
Accommodation and rooms range from the barest ‘box’ to the most upmarket & expensive room money can buy. Decide on your budget and book it accordingly. If you want a basic room with a bed and a ceiling fan, you can probably find one (depending on the season) for around THB 200 – 300 a night (around $8-11 (AUD)), or you can go a lot more upmarket in a room where the hotel has private security, large recreational area, pool, air conditioning, internet, cable tv etc etc for around THB 1500 – 2000 a night ($55 – 75 (AUD)).
Be aware that you get what you pay for. I have found that generally around THB 1000 a night is a good price for a room that is secure, has a safety box, air con, cable tv, internet and is serviced daily. It is much nicer knowing that the room is the least of your worries while on holiday. If you are in Phuket I can recommend The Nice Hotel, their web site is www.thenicehotel.com
As with everything, if you have booked prior to arriving in Thailand, make sure you have an address for the hotel, their contact phone number and if available a booking number. Also know what you are paying before you arrive. I have been ‘setup’ whereby they told me the price was THB 500 a night, then on actually getting to that hotel that all those priced rooms were ‘unavailable’ and that the only ones left were THB 1000 a night. Good try....if you have booked at a certain price, tell them so, if they want to argue, then generally telling them you are going somewhere else all of a sudden a room will become ‘available’. If that is the case, stay a night or two and find somewhere else. When you are there in person the price is generally a lot lower and you can barter, especially if you are staying a few weeks.

Food:
Where to start......the food in Thailand is world renown. It is low in fat, very fresh and tastes absolutely fantastic. If you like the hot & spicy variety then you will be in for a treat. All the Thai food can be made to your taste level so do not think that you will be missing out, you will generally be asked if you like it spicy.
As a basic rule, if you can’t peel it, you are not at a large restaurant catering to foreigners, watch it being cooked or (commercially) unwrap & eat it....then avoid it!!
If the food is cooked in a hot wok within sight then you will be fine. Fruit/food – if you can peel it or (commercially) unwrap it then you will be fine. If the fruit has already been peeled and is sitting in ice ......avoid it!!
Ice in drinks is generally not a good idea. If it is ‘ice cubes’ the majority of the time you ‘should’ be ok, if it is crushed ice ....avoid it!!
The crushed ice is shoveled from the ground and into re-used plastic bags before being used to pack around food stuff. I will let you contemplate where it may have been or what ‘bugs’ it has picked up!
Brushing your teeth....use bottled water just to be safe.
If you have not had a dose of ‘bali belly’ or ‘the mexican two step’ (named because you only make it two steps from the toilet before running back!!) then you are in for a treat. Generally referred to as ‘Travelers Diarrhea’ it is a result of your food/drink being infected with bacteria from not being clean/handled properly.
Expect to get a case of the mexican two step at some stage during your travels. The only thing you can do is remain hydrated....with water...NOT beer! Tablets like Imodium will help with the cramps and other symptoms, but as with all medical conditions, if they persist then see a doctor!
With all that being said, I regularly eat from the local motorcycle food vendors. The Pad Thai is the best and it is cooked very hot right there in front of you all for about THB 30 – 40!!

Transport – Motorcycles/Taxis/Tuk tuks:
There are 5 main types of transport for the visitor while in Thailand. Depending on where you go, they may vary slightly.
1: Feet. Probably the best form of transport if you are remaining in the near vicinity of your accommodation. The cheapest and best method for going at your own pace and seeing what you want, when you want. The good thing about feet is that they go where you want, when you want and at your own pace. With the many good massage establishments around, a one hour foot massage will revitalize and get you going again!
2: Motorcycles. You can hire small automatic 50cc motorcycles to get around on. Please make sure you have ridden a motorcycle before AND have an international drivers licence with the motorcycle endorsement. When (not ‘if’) you are stopped by the police and are not wearing your helmet or have a licence you will be fined (around THB 300).
3: Motorcycle Taxi. This is probably the next best form of transport next to the feet option if you do not have your own motorcycle. They get through traffic easier, are very cheap and the riders have a good knowledge of the area. This is the form of transport the locals generally use. The only thing you have to be aware of are the associated hazards!!
Chances are that the driver will have the only ‘helmet’ (which is just a small chunk of plastic anyway's!) and after observing the local traffic for a few hours you will get to understand the way the traffic operates. It can be scary!!
4: Taxi. There are two types of taxi. The fist is the ‘Taxi Meter’. As the name suggests, when you jump in the taxi the driver will turn the meter on and you pay the fare displayed. The driver is registered with the government and it is regulated. The other type of taxi is the local who is using their own car as a private taxi. The price of the fare will vary from driver to driver along with the knowledge and professionalism. These drivers generally stand on the side of the road holding a sign saying ‘Taxi’. They are not registered with the government and when you travel with them it is at your own risk. There is no insurance and no one to go to other than the police should there be a dispute of any kind.
5: Tuk tuk. Depending on where you go, the tuk tuks vary. In Chiang Mai & Bangkok they are small 3 wheel motorcycle type cars. In Phuket they are (very) small Daihatsu vans. They all do the same things....get you to where you want to go at a very high rate of speed! It is something you must try, just to say you have done it.

*You must agree to the price before you get in the cab/tuk tuk and make sure the driver understands the one price is for everyone to traveling together.* There have been occasions where a price is settled on (i.e. 100 baht) and the passengers are then told “.....no, that 100 baht each!!” at the end of their journey. Guess who the police will side with should they be called, chances are it won’t be you!

Phones:
Check with your phone carrier. Most western phones have the ‘roaming’ feature and can be used in Thailand. You should be aware of the cost though!! Check with your phone service and find out what the charges will be for making and receiving phone calls while you are overseas. I prefer to take an older cheaper phone (won’t ruin my holiday if I lose it) with me and get a local sim card & pre-paid credit. Phone calls from Thailand to Australia are very cheap (and should be when you call home)!! It is also good if there are a group of you and 2 or 3 have phones.

Bars, Bar Girls, Bar Fines, Drinks:
Depending on your location, plans & interests you will come across many types of bar. I have come across 3 main types of bars. They are: Normal Bar / Beer Bar & Go-go Bar.
Normal Bar: As it says....this is just a normal type of bar. Go in, have a drink, play a game of pool, watch the big screen tv, have something to eat, relax and enjoy.
Beer Bar: Here you can buy a drink and play games or chat with the thai girls working in the bar. Some of the popular games are four-in-a-row, wood games, dice game, hit nails with a hammer and backgammon. The girls are very good at these games as they play them on a regular basis, but it is all in fun. These bars are primarily for drinking and getting into party mode.
Go-go Bar: Hold on tight, this will be a wild ride! There are numerous go-go bars in Phuket. Patong Beach is the main bar area, with Soi Bangla the hub of the go-go bars. The idea here is that this is purely a party zone and the bars are designed that way. The ladies working at the bar will be dressed in the skimpiest of outfits so it is probably not the best place to take your young children :P

As with all bars there are a few simple rules. If you have had a good time and you have been looked after, consider leaving a tip. Chances are that the money conversion rate will be well in your favor. The staff working at the bar will earn very little in the form of a 'base wage' so the girls will make a living from 'tips' and the commission on drinks.
If you have a look on the drinks menu you will see something called 'Lady Drink'. This is generally Thai Whiskey with soda water (or similar) and will cost the bar about THB 10 per glass. Even though you are charged (up to) THB 120 the balance goes into a kitty and is divided between the girls at the end of the night.
If you have found a person that has looked after you well, or you are feeling generous, you can give them a tip directly. This means it will go into their pocket only......your choice.

The bell. Wondering what that bell is above the bar? Ring it and you will be buying everyone at the bar a drink. The bar girls will generally take a Lady Drink and then it will be a 1 for 1 drink for whoever is drinking at the bar as well. It is considered 'good luck' to ring the bell.....but if the bar is full, it may be bad luck for your wallet ;)

As in all nightclubs and drinking areas around the world, be careful of your drink and any person that gives you a drink. It is known to happen that people have had their drinks drugged at times, specifically in nightclubs.

A "bar fine" is a fee paid to the bar by the customer when leaving the bar with a hostess. This helps reimburse the bar for the hostess who is now no longer working at the bar. The bar fine is normally divided between the bar and the girls as this is another form of income for them. Bar fines in bars range can range from THB 300 to 1000. Check with the hostess, she will be able to tell you.

Short time, what is 'Short (or Long) Time?' This is a statement made by bar girls and freelancers in regards to spending the night with a customer. If you want to spend around an hour or so with a girl, this is called short time and girls generally ask for THB 1,000 to 1,500. If you want to spend an entire evening with your companion, this is called long time and will generally cost you between THB 1,000 to 3,000. It's recommended to agree to a specific amount BEFORE you leave the premises so there's no disagreements the next day.

1 girl or many? If you 'girl hop' from bar to bar or within the same bar, you will become known as a 'butterfly'. Yes they do it.....but the difference is that I think they all know each other. If not, one will know someone who knows someone who knows her.....THEY TALK!! Great possibility of a jealous girl confronting you....and/or you getting a bad reputation. Be honest with the girl at the start and do not make promises you can not/do not intend to keep!!

Massage:
Massage in Thailand is sometimes solely associated with sexual services, but this is only a partial truth. There are many varied ways of massage, and there are distinct categories. There is the traditional Thai massage, with its recent add-ons of oil massage, and reflexology (foot massage), there are the upmarket and flashy massage parlous along with the not-so-upmarket massage parlous.

Decide what you want first and then look around. It is very easy to find the legitimate/experienced places as they will look more up-market and will not have ladies(?) outside asking you if you want a massage. Speaking of that......you will find that whenever you walk past a massage parlor with the girls waiting outside, you will get swamped with requests asking you if you want a massage.
As a rule they will want you to choose the oil massage as this is priced slightly more than the traditional Thai massage. With the oil massage you have to take off all of your clothes (for traditional massage, you are given a pajama type outfit). There may be some traditional massage added to it, but oil massage mostly consists of gently rubbing the skin all over your body. As it turns out, as you are male and in the nude, the masseuse will at the end most likely ask you whether you need some 'extra' massage'. She may be disappointed if you decline this offer, since she can make a lot of additional tip money (between THB 500-1,000) from you for this service, and might have been expecting it.
Whichever type you choose consider a tip. If it is a good massage show your appreciation.

Security:
There is not enough that can be said about security while traveling. Ensure your accommodation has either a safety deposit box or safes in the room for your use. Store your valuables in there.

Documents: This one of the most important things. Make sure you have copies of your passport, drivers licence, ticket and any other document you bring with you. NEVER let your passport out of your sight and never give it to anyone as 'security' (some people renting motorcycles may want to 'hold' your passport). If you have a photocopy they can hold that!! If you loose your passport you will be in a world of strife :(

I can not say this enough to my friends.....take with you only an amount of money you are willing to spend that day/night. A few times I have had extra cash with me and ended up spending it during a good night out partying!!
DO NOT flash around large sums of cash. Unfortunately there are some locals who will be more than happy to relieve your wallet of the excess weight using a number of methods. Don't ruin your holiday by getting ripped off/mugged!
It is also a good idea to have various denominations of the Baht, i.e. correct change for your purchase! A lot of tuk tuk drivers may not carry small change.....you hand over a THB 100 note.....ooops, no small change.

Shops:
If you like your shopping then you will love Thailand. In Patong Beach there are numerous small shops along the beach front and back streets for you to spend hours walking through. Very quickly you will notice a few things......even though there are a lot of shops, they look strangely familiar! Yes, a similar shop selling very similar items! Look closer and it is just another differently laid out version of a shop you just went into a few paces back. You will also notice that the staff are 'leaping' out at you trying to sell you their goods (this will start to play on your nerves about 4 days into your holiday). The other thing you will notice is that they have some very 'high end' name brands.....yer sure they are genuine *sarcasm*.....pretty much everything is a copy, with a lot of stuff being a copy of a copy!
The only warning I have is.....stay away from the perfumes. I would rather pay the full (outrageous) price for perfumes/colognes than pay next to nothing for the 'genuine brand' and not know what I am getting (a lot of these cheap perfumes are made up of a small part of a genuine product topped up with all sorts of unknown stuff!)
The price you are offered is generally the highest price the shop attendant is trying to sucker you into paying. These prices go up further during High & Peak seasons. Try and convert their price to something similar you would pay at home. As a rule if you say "...no thanks." they will drop the price straight away. Remember the price and move on to the next store where chances are they will beat the other offer!! You will quickly get to know how much you can barter it down. - Please be aware though, these people sit around for hours each day trying to make a living, it is not much for (my) conversion rate to throw in a few extra dollars, not much for me.....but a small fortune for them!
Drugs:
Two types of drugs.....legal....and the others.
Legal: Some drugs that are illegal in your country 'may' be legal (i.e. steroids for personal use) in Thailand. Before purchasing DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Other drugs you may be tempted to purchase,like say a supply of viagra, to take home......be careful, chances are they are also a copy of the original. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!
Illegal: Well what can I say about this section. Narcotics in Thailand are illegal. End of story. If you get caught you will get locked up for it.....ohhh, and Thailand still has the death penalty. You will get offered narcotics, be warned, some of these people may be police officers!

Tourist Stuff:
There are plenty of things for you to do while holidaying in Thailand. Depending on the season the prices will vary. If you can holiday in the Low Season you will find the prices a lot cheaper. Whatever you plan on doing my one recommendation is to take a walk through one of the many temples through Patong (and Thailand).

Lady boys:
There are 3 sexes in Thailand. Male, Female & Kathoey (also known as 'lady boy'). They are born as males but grow up as females. They will get operations/implants when they can. Now all I can say is be careful. Most of them are good value and very proud of themselves. they can be absolutely beautiful and it is very difficult to tell. Their dress sense, makeup and style makes many a Thai lady jealous.
After a few beers or a big night of drinking make sure you have someone looking out for you....unless of course that is your preference.
Do not make promises you do not intend to keep....things can get very ugly very quickly. Simply stand in Soi Bangla for a period of time and you will witness it all ;)

Scams:
Jet ski's: Some people have been 'scammed' by Jet Ski rentals. The unsuspecting tourist rents a jet ski for a period of time. On returning the jet ski the operator accuses you of damaging the engine/jet ski....but wait....it 'looked fine' when you took it out. Your word against thiers....and there is no insurance attached to these jet skis. The police will be called to settle the dispute and you will not be going anywhere until it is settled......probably with money!
Taxi's & Tuk tuks: This is an easy scam. "I take you....only 100 baht." .....you get to the destination and now they want 100 baht per person! Make sure you agree to the full price before you get in. If any problems then you call the Tourist Police. Make sure the taxi (car) is registered with the government, if it isn't, there will be no insurance or probably any experience either.
Lady boys: Beware of the lady boys (as described above). They can be nice and friendly until you piss them off. And it is surprisingly easy to do that. You will be approached for a photo, when you take the photo they will then ask for THB 100, if no money you are 'stood over' while you delete it. Lady boys late at night will jump off motor bikes to approach you for a 'good time'. Be very careful.....there are probably a few of 'his' mates nearby.
VIP Bus: This travels from Bangkok to Phuket overnight. It takes about 15 hours and can be a nice way to see the country....at night (generally). The old saying "You get what you paid for" is very true here. The cheaper the 'VIP Bus' ticket.....the less VIP the bus is.....your call on this one. Purchase any 'refreshments' yourself and before you get on the bus. Keep all your valuables with you at all times! When you get on the bus your bags will be loaded into the lower compartment and you watch it get locked....you get on and wake up and get off.....the next thing you see from the other side of the bus is another door to the luggage compartment....and what's that in there??? Ohhhh it is a sleeping cot!! So someone (or everyone) has access to the luggage while we are sleeping.....use your imagination here.
Travel Agents: This advice is specific only to the 'bogus' operators, the majority of operators are legitimate. Please make sure you get receipts for everything and double check your times & dates.
One 'scam' they tried on me was this: Got a VIP bus ticket from Bangkok to Phuket (a mid range VIP Bus) with the intention of going to Patong Beach. Ticket will get us there......no....not quite. Bus stopped in the middle of nowhere at some little shop/food store (huge prices) while we waited for a van to get crammed into. The van then drove us the remainder of the way (2hrs). We crossed the bridge and were 'officially' in Phuket (Phuket Island). Get to the main intersection, turn right....great we are going to Patong Beach......wrong! Van pulls into a 'travel agent'...we are all exited from the van and ushered inside. A group of 'lady boys' now want to know where we are staying, how long for and how much we are paying.....ohhh, and they need to see our passports!!
The scam is this....new tourists arriving, get passport & hold on to it if they can. Your passport is now gone....for good. Try and 'sell' you accommodation to a very nice hotel. Great photos are shown to you. Huge prices are charged per person (in the same room) per night. You get there and it is nothing like the photo or what they said. Two girls were charged THB1500 each per night for a room with a fan only. The room is normally valued at THB 300 for the whole room!
Next and final insult is that the driver will require extra money to take you to your destination.....hang on, didn't I pay to go to Phuket....well you are in Phuket. If you have arranged to go to your specific destination and are taken to one of these places and told to pay up more or are hassled in anyway, tell them you are not interested and are calling the Tourist Police.....their attitude will change very quickly.
The above example also happens if you get a taxi from the airport. The fee is generally THB 500 to go to your destination, on the way they will stop in at one of these 'Travel Agents' and the driver will tell you that you have to get your receipt stamped. Walk in, smile, be nice and tell them to stamp it and walk out. Do NOT answer any questions about your hotel or your length of stay. They have no authority what-so-ever to demand your passport or to keep you there.....call the Tourist Police if you are getting the run-around.

Tattoos:
Want to get a tattoo while in Thailand. No problem at all! There are some great artists and tattoo operators in Thailand. All you need to do is apply the same standards that you do at home. Check the work they do, check the hygiene and check the price! I have found some great tattoo places in Phuket. "X Caliber Tattoo" located on Ruamchai Road is an excellent place to go. I have had a lot of work done there. There is no web page for them and can be a little difficult to locate.
Walk towards the beach, they are on the left side of the road just before you get to the intersection, on the 1st floor of the building. You will see a group of ladies sitting outside wanting to offer you a massage. The tattoo shop is on the same floor as the massage service ;)